Timbre of a TimeFree Mind

Thank you, God

It came out of the dark spot in the small room. I sat up and forward, turning my head towards his direction in disbelief at what I had just heard. Who was he talking to? Why did his voice seem so powerful this time?

These were his final days and this particular evening was one of many that I slept on the floor near the hospital bed that we had put up in the dining room, where he was to spend his final hours. No one else was around and the only movement was in a mirror that was on a short wall near the entrance to the kitchen. This evening was the last that I got to be with him, alone.

He did move a little after his statement. I saw the reflection in the mirror.

I laid there frozen. I wanted to make sure that he knew he could speak without interruption. I waited for ten, perhaps fifteen minutes. After his declaration I heard him return to his labored breathing. He spoke no more that night or ever.

He didn't believe in God. We knew each other for ten years and we had many discussions about his youth and his studies in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Wisconsin, where he was to be a pastor. He lost all of that when they asked him to leave when he told them the truth about his sexuality and his innermost being. They asked him to leave. I think the God he knew at that time, left that day.

I wanted to share the spiritual side of a relationship. I wanted him to help me, help him. I wanted us to both see the loving, forgiving power that comes with mystical love and companionship. But the day they told him after ten years of study he could not be who he was...that day God left him. And he left God.

Now here, there were three of us in this darkened room. He said,

Thank you, God.

I think this was the moment God came back. Two days later I put a blanket over the mirror when he died.

No more reflections- while I wait for God to return to me.

posted by jikido  # 10:33 AM